A commemorative picture, my first time to have my make up on. ahahhaha and it's not that good in this pic.
As a kid I've grown up with a little grudge on these two, little things that shaken and at the same time toughen my heart to open up to them. They probably figured me just now that I’m fully grown up office girl. I must say I was hardly raised like if ever they got the chance to exchange me when I was little they would probably do so. But they never gave up on my clumsiness, tantrums, pettiness and all evilness as a KID. I thought back then I was living too hard that I've been not getting what I deserve when actually I was trying my bests. But things seem to change without even me noticing them. I've changed for my own and actually never thought that it will be soon for my own good.
They were like saying the most common comforting words parents will tell after scolding their troublemaker kid. So they say, “whenever we scold or hit you because of your mistakes that only means we love you and we care that hopefully you’ll change for the better”. Then as I grew older I still hear those words… (You’ll probably imagining how I was as a kid.) They even rephrase it now since its kind of too long to say. And here it goes... "When you decide for your own self don’t think of us as the one who’ll benefit from it. Do it like the way you wanted." And after hearing those over and over again like really? This is rather fearful than I thought it would be since I have got no one to point to when I come to regret a choice in the future…
Honestly, I've been listening from them since then and its not because I don’t have the choice rather I've come to trust these two. They’re my biological parents after all.PART II.
When I was seriously looking for a job and you've been noticing that I was checking on those job openings in Manila, Batangas… where’s real far away from home folks. I knew then you were worried. But as soon as you've seen the feedback I've been getting I knew I can have the chance to get your consent to be away from home. Basically that was my long time wish, you maybe saddened by this but knowing how I've been missing home, family events even burial of our beloved ones it all made me appreciate what’s in there. In the process, I instantly became a lawyer defending for my visions and very selfish aspirations. Being away from home made you uneasy already how much more wanting to still be away from relative’s premises?
So I went, had my first job after merely two weeks. But during the course of finding a work in Manila MAMA you provided me with strength. I got rejected for an almost job offer after a whole day process. Just the thought of it, how did I get home safe from far away QC? Your text goes “It’s really like that. Not all sincere people get to have what they deserve or maybe you aren't for that yet. Just keep your limits and think of ways near reality. Pray and you’ll get there.” After reading, I sobbed but surely made me even tougher.
You've given me free things I can’t even repay even that means starting my independent life and even more excited about it. I've showed tantrums the days you were giving time on completing requirements, looking for dorm to stay in and things I’ll need. I never seen parents annoyed by my childishness those times. You were so patient maybe because you’re still bothered but trying not to scare me but that time I was doing fine and not in the same way you’re feeling. I’m sorry for that.
The first visit you've had was a surprise to me. Mama traveled alone and I picked you up but before that I've seen a mother not in her gracious self. I’m actually feeling sorry for the l trouble I've caused you just to see me. The day we departed was like I already want to go with you since I’m already having issues with my work then. I cried right in front of you which was very unlikely of me to show my weakness. I think I've sent you anxiously away that time. Too bad I cried.
You've been visiting me without particular reasons and for that I've been seeing my worth and really appreciating God’s given gifts. To you my dear parents, though I don’t have the right to choose for my own roots, God indeed given me more than what’s expected. I maybe your unfriendly daughter back in my emo days but who I've become was my gift to you. I’ll be forever grateful because I know you've suffered a lot raising a kid like me. I may not be at home just like today but you will forever be present in my thoughts. I know it will take you time before you read this since I’ll be very shy if you did. So just in case you already did please assume you just didn't.
Needless to say but you’re my parents and I’m beyond proud for having you around. I know my words won’t be enough but allow me just this once since I already cried just by writing this one. THANK YOU for all your sacrifices, for all my silly times… I still have a lot stories to share but the fact that you’re still here let’s just relish the time we’re still awake and just like what you’re always telling us, your kids, everything you do and have decided will all be for our own sake.
As I age more the more I appreciate your works and presence, your endless reminders. Your legacy will soon be passed on… the serious talks we had will never be the same without your sincere words Papi. I’m glad that I have the best father behind my back.
Our fond times where I join you cook our favorite dinner and the times we both understand why speakers and headphones are for. And that is to make people around understand how indifferent and at the same time diverse who we really are. You’re my companion like we share kilig reviews of our seen movies and dramas and we even cried because of them.
The times I came to visit our house you always fetch me in the bus terminal and embrace me with open arms. You’re the father whom I have a lot of concern because I know aside from the land you own you too only have kids as treasure. You've given enough inspiration, enough to be the person who stands for what’s rightful. Lately, I've been praying for you to change too because I've been noticing that you've come to a point where you've been hard to please too. It was like we have changed roles. You've been picky of things present before your eyes so I decided just to be like you. The way I see it it’s just a matter of time that we will all go through that we’ll be less surprise in this thing called life but I’ll make sure that you’ll never get tired.
You may also realize that whenever I go to church I always text you that I did go even you knew there that I should but it’s part of me copying your sincerity. Then you also started replying like thanks to God and hopes for me to be fine all the time. Bit by bit you’re doing fine just like that.
You’re actually the conceited type like you wanted to be praised by your deeds and its not because we’re not thankful enough its just that we’re used to you doing exactly good as that. We’re very lucky to have a capable father around.
I really got disappointed after realizing how I've been paying attention more on my work than you who just came to visit. Just like those days when I was still studying that I chose not to have my weekends with you.
This I guess has always been a challenge for me because more often than not I'm very bad when it comes to my relationship with you.
You’re not the typical mother that would say encouraging words. You’re so practical, lenient and all things upright.
Both my siblings are very good in ways you all along appreciate may it be effortless academics, evident abilities in arts, sense of humor which makes them popular to all relatives thus makes me the no-name sister of them… And since nobody wants to be the black sheep so there I took the role.
I've been very stubborn like when I do things I don’t mind your reasons better to mine.