Sunday, December 20, 2015

December Q&A Portion!

And so before I begin, foolish heart~ I feel like I should come with a disclaimer that says... 

This series of Q&A may be super affectionate and may speak in sarcasm OFTEN. And all emotional investments are subject to mood swings. Approach with caution. And fruit salad. 

And greet you all a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

1. Who is your best friend? Who should I start first? Hahahaha because I have two!  The unofficial bff and my well, official one. My official bff is my closest friend since high school, I call her Hawkry, Jocry, Jocrang and she doesn't mind the ugly names because if she does then we won't be friends to begin with! Yah know what am sayin! Truth be told, her real name is Joecris Buena and hides to her screename, Cris Buena! Hahaha for reason I can't reveal for safety reasons. ๐Ÿ™ƒ Seriously, I often call her up without forewords and just get to the point kasi sayang ng load! Tsar! 
As for my unofficial bff, it is this blog! Because I can be the strangest, weirdest and truest self all the time without trying to please anyone but myself.

2. I really wish... that if I answered this question my wish will be granted soon as possible. And so I'm playing my part and that is to grant me my forever! Nyahahaha Pallyiwa Oppa!

3. Who is the first person you saw today?
The hairstylist where I am in right now. I was on my way for brunch when I bumped into this skilled beautician! He smiled and I smiled back of course!

4. What memory do you want to keep from today? The memory of me watching Kalyeserye while I do my laundry inside the bathroom! Kilig pa din while doing my Sunday habits!

5. How much money is in your wallet? Php 5,800+ Reason why I'm keeping this much is because I'll be buying my cousins and my father gifts. 

6. What makes you sweat? Hmmmn the long hours of commute.

7. What do you wish your job was? A Floor Director or a Creative Director in a variety show! 

8. What relationship did you nurture today? My ending relationship with my old iphone 4s. I have transferred the nos. and notes saved in my 4s to my new one which is an iPhone6, everyone. Got this in Greenhills! 

9. What are you passionate about? That I still have to figure out... But I do enjoy blogging and spreading good vibes all over! 

10. I realize tomorrow... I have to wake up early and really be true to that because my teamate won't be around and I have to show up and act like I am possessed with two people inside me. 

11. Are you holding a grudge? I can't say no to this. Hihihihi Life happened so YES I am solving it on my own.

12. What was weird about your day? That I was able to do the 70% of my plans for the weekend even my migraine rained on my parade yesterday. 

13. How much of your day did you spent completely alone? Like 90% of it! Waaaaaahhh Hope this won't be reflection of my forever!

14. How are you expanding your mind? I am charging myself with good vibes I get from the shows I've been watching and try not to get affected by stressful and difficult people because no matter how bad my day can be it won't be solved by just another negativity. 

15. What word are you using too much lately? ACTUALLY! Hahahaha I say this whenever I don't have much to react on something but I never fail to say it with an agreeing tone just so I still appear like I truly care. Hahaha 

16. How was your day today? Keri lang. I still have plans of going to Greenhills though and buy my cousins gifts and my Dad a new phone so hmmmnn it would be regretting if I will not be able to them before the day ends.

17. What was the first thing you saw when you woke up this morning? My laptop. I left it charging and open while I was battling with my headache yesterday night.

18. What are the 3 things you need to do tomorrow? Woke up at 6am. Come to work at 8:30am. Leave the office at 7-8pm. That would be the most ideal things to do tomorrow! Got it, self?!?

19. What is the last place you visited online? Google Chrome, I was searching for the most reliable android phone to swatch my iPhone 4s with it and give it to my Papa on Christmas eve. Just because he's been asking for a new cellphone since he doesn't find his O+ to be that cool! Hahahaha

20. Today I chose to... keep the day workable for me instead of forcing myself to do this and that. 

21. Were you a positive or negative person today? +

22. Who is the strongest person you know? My sister. 

23. Who do you wish had been part of your day? Alden Richards! ๐Ÿ˜


Monday, December 7, 2015

The Monday Currently | 02

Guess what? I was supposed to typed in Sunday night which basically this day's yesterday and the cause of delay and reason of the change of title was because... I just finished watching The Secret Life of Walter Mitty which is the result of my curiosity in searching the words "finding inspiration fun" in youtube and so a trailer of the movie was on top of the list but I couldn't find the full movie. And a sudden picture came to mind, a memory of me copying movies from my good friend, Jnx and viola! True enough it inspired me to write this early mornight of Monday.


Just here.


MAINE MENDOZA (101% Real Voice) SMULE Recordings NON STOP. This is literally the title of the video clip from youtube.

Of the ways to start the week and everything that could get me up at 7AM later says my alarm. Because as you most probably know I am thinking of moving out from my hellish work as I... have to put in my resignation letter first before I an share. Hihihi

Nothing interesting. Ooops my pillow smells like the salonpas I've been putting on my back.

I can be happy in my numbered days in citi. I will try.

For a nice weeks before Christmas and even after that! But seriously, I hope for a smooth week so I can feel the vibe of holidays. Please.

Pambahay na summery t-shirt and shorts from my 2012 ECCP Football Cup uniform.

The Sunday that just went by. I must say my sorry for being very late coming to The Feast but still I felt blessed as I was there even just for the last 20 minutes or so. But though guilty of the fact that I went to Carriedo first and not directly to PICC, there I saw myself eager to not miss a Sunday without trying to be with His presence but no, Bro. Alvin just reminded us all that "Jesus is with me.", Christmas or not He is with us and when he is in our hearts, we truly live.

To celebrate this year's coming holidays free from the uneasy feeling I often feel whenever I think about life ahead. Because I know for sure it will be unpredictable, something unknown and I have to calm myself from worrying too much as IT IS JUST OKEY to feel the feels when you are going through quarter life crisis. You can never be too sure.

That butterflies in my belly long time ago...

Sleepy but at the same time trying not to loose track to later's life battles again such as, waking up to my alarm; wanting to sleep some more; facing the sad realty that I'm going to ride the bus again which requires patience and sanity at all cost and most especially having to face the work that keeps me crazy because of too much to handle work and bosses from all floors of the bank. So though I'm being a negastar here, let me think of what's proper... I am feeling that before I submit my paper I'll see to it that my head and my heart is in to one place, happy and overflowing with motivation.

That's it. Bye. I have to sleep before I get up again at eight.

Monday, November 16, 2015

November Q&A Portion!

And so before I begin, foolish heart~ I feel like I should come with a disclaimer that says...

This series of Q&A may be super affectionate and may speak in sarcasm OFTEN. And all emotional investments are subject to mood swings. Approach with caution. And fruit salad. 

1. What decision are you glad you made? Attending feast as a non-negotiable habit every Sunday!

2. Share some good advise. Stay sincere because believe me, it's way easier to be true than to act as someone else.

3. What occupied your mind today? To be productive!

4. What was the best conversation you had today? With my "brave girls", Nysh and Dhet earlier! We need some catching up to do since we've been very busy with our respective lives while apart for like, months with no travels or simple get together. Reality hits us but we are truly grateful it will caused us to serious thinking and life changing decisions we will soon be making! Yey!
The Sisters at the Feast!
The parody! Nice try Nadz, Kath and Liza! HAHAHA 
5. Do you love your job? Hmmm... Perhaps like but not love. I like it when my day just went well but disgusted and dismayed if it turned out hellish.

6. If you could get rid of one of your habits, what would it be? Lazing around when I should be doing that planned idea in my head.

7. List 5 things you wish you had with you today? (1)Fries that my roommate is munching now. (2)New laptop for I just need a reliable Microsoft apps and google chrome that don't usually crush. (3)Coffee shake refill. (4)AC. (5)How about my house so I can access my whole cozy and dark room for myself! Hmnn~~~ brilliant!

8. What achievement are you the most proud of? I know this will sound cheesy but it would be my failures. To be specific, it would be the losses I made last year which includes lovelife na din. HAHAHA

9. What gadgets do use today? My bipolar lappy! My iphone 4s that I only got to use around 20 mins after unplugging from the charger. Also my e-fan, I believe it counts!
10. What shocked you? That Iced Coffee with WHISKEY I naively ordered in a coffee shop near my dorm. I won't be fooled next time and plans not to come again ever kasi naman I can't feel their aircon. Hmmm so di naman pala issue yung whiskey sa kape nya! Pabebe!

11. What was the last lie you told? To myself, that I can't fall in love while I'm about to move to a considerably far place. :'( Owkeyyy!

12. What's your favorite cuisine? I would say Korean. But anything would do. HAHAHA

13. What do you have too much of? My answer would be very objective but I feel like I have too much clothes now that I can only hoard them in my luggage. Partly to blame is my toxic work that kept me from shopping for more to distress. :'(

14. What do you want to tell yourself in one year? Good or bad may come at you but for sure you'll remain true! Tsar!

15. What is your greatest strength? That I am weird. Seriously, I misspelled weird again to *wierd! Kaloka! Sige na nga, elaborate ko naman, because I consider this as my ultimate source of drive after my faith or "the feeling blessed at the moment"; this just makes me more me! I simply just release myself into the wilderness of all that's happening kaya siguro feel ko lang to validate my thoughts because I myself needs some explanation as to why I reacted this way mga ganern~ kaya malabo! Wag na! Mobon na tayo! 

16. Other than your clothes, what was with you the majority of the day? My A3 Samsung phone! Youtube pa more!

17. What's your guilty pleasure? Late night TV series marathon.

18. What is bothering you? My hell work!

19. What inspires you? Aside from my hardworking parents when I think of my siblings who have managed to be good parents to their kids and at the same time be equally excellent at their respective fields, my Ate Yen being the Law student and my younger brother, Jimboy being the Team Supervisor that he is now. So I was like... WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE!?? I only have my own self to manage but still I'm lacking that drive to really outdo my past self.

20. What impression did you make in front of others today? That I'm sort of gloomy because of the aftermath from the pressure at work but can remain silly and positive about it.

21. What did you give up on today? Goodbye my 8 to 6 hours sleep!

22. How did you play today? Fair.

23. How do you know? Kasi wala naman nagalit sa'kin? Can't think of anything to answer the question actually~

24. Name the last three things you used today? Coffee shake straw and its cup and cover. bow!

25. What sound do you hate hearing? In awhile, my alarm.

26. Do you feel appreciated? YES! (malakas kutob ko!)

27. My body is... covered with oil before my clothes because I just had a Swedish massage at the spa where I had my membership for almost a year now. HAHAHA

28. Today I had too much... caffeine. 

29. What worries you? My future. Isn't that too obvious! kebs!

30. What did you get to do today? In general, my Sunday has been very productive because I get to send out my spoiled clothes to the Laundry shop; I was able to wash my undies (nagiging favorite ko ng topic!); Of course I went to the Feast with my friends and also got to catch up over our simple food cravings for Liempo. Also that I was able to share with them my worries and plans. And lastly, because I ended up blessed the entire week so I am just pouring out my feelings through here. Love you weekend!

Lost and so searching,
Miss Piggy

Thursday, November 12, 2015

The Thursday Currently | 01

Currently, I am starting out a series of future blog posts with the title: "The (Insert day today) Currently" which is inspired from the blog posts of Yaya Dub a.k.a. karibal ko kay Alden. Woot! Ekmyuski po! Allow me guys to let you know why I have this thursday all to myself and that I'm not in my forced laborer mood. HAHAHA


Reading. Pages of blog posts from various sites that would let me bring my feet closer to a place where my heart will be tried and tested and my mind will be blown. 

Writing. I am busy jotting down notes on twitter, most of them are my excessive rants over my toxic work and some just my random thoughts of anything that's nakakakilig all to remind myself of forever. HAHAHA Never mind!

Thinking. I am thinking of finishing this post before I go to the CR because I just can't leave my belongings on top of this table and hope for the best while I release the water in my puson

Smelling.  Nothing.

Wishing. To have a productive day still ahead and to be able to face tomorrow with a different mindset as you should know that I just took my leave of absence from work today without any notice to my boss and just sent a plain text to my back-up that I can't make it today. And gladly she replied "okies :)" for I think she most probably know why.

Hoping. I can finish this up before I pee on my shorts!

Wearing. A purple t-shirt with a print that says, "I am there in 10 minutes..." which I just bought last night after I felt down and stressed at work. Which goes to say, I haven't washed this yet and before you can say you're just ok with it (hoping!) I paired it with my spoiled shorts which I just wore last Sunday. HIHIHI ๐Ÿ˜…

Loving. Today because I was able to rest and at the same time hanged out with my friends over chicken and beer.

Wanting. I've been wanting to go on a vacation to Bikol but I also want to attend the Kerygma Con. this coming Nov. 19-22.

Needing. Good sleep and healthy food because I just ate all that's unhealthy today though.

Feeling. Overall satisfied with today's spontaneity with friends and by myself.

Time to pee for me everyone! Bye! 

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Took a while...

1. The bra that gets deformed and stained will always make you sigh whenever you wear them. This has always been the case so an honest mistake ever since I went on my own which means I had no choice but to wash my own undies (don't judge me yet! I still have a lot of darker secrets! Bwahahahaha!) and apparently I'm not good with estimates (if this will get stained by another clothing if i mixed them into one washing bin) because I just have this unmanageable beliefs for seeking meanings to life and by that I mean, there is always a reason why my undies are not in the same form and color as before. If you know what'am sayin! BUT IF YOU DON'T! It's ok. Because there's no deep meaning behind. Hahaha Lesson that I just recently adapt to my practical life is to buy undies with the same color, form and well bought them all at same time! So I have new ones! Welcome my supporters for liiiiiiifeeee!!! I'll handle you with care now so please take good care of mine?! Hahahaha Oweeeee~

2. "Your bag defines who you are. Your bag is who you are." It was not a bad quote from the movie #EtiquetteForMistresses it is actually the truth. Your bag is a statement of who you are or your bag is WHO YOU ARE! Hahahaha been repeating the exact same lines but yes this is very true with my choices of bags. Because there's this one time I bought a tote bag in uni days (uni means university,i just thought i need some explaining to do: ) so I tag along a good friend to help me find a bag that I can find myself in it (not literally! Scary thoughts coming in!!!) so I found one but a month after I gave it to my cousin. I realized back then that it wasn't the one - that I just purchased the bag out of pressure because I am with a friend and i don't want our efforts be put to waste and take note that was from my own savings so I was really thinking of the best! Unluckily, I kept repeating that mistake ever since then... bought a bag gave it to another cousin for a reason that I can afford to buy them now. Then just recently, I bought the most expensive cross bag I will ever have I supposed but I will soon let it go and plan to give it to my mom just because it is so big for me to manage. So I am this sad because I have missed to yearn for that dream bag before handing out my debit card. Now, I am using my 400php worth bag which I bought as souvenir from my last year's visit in Korea. Originally it has straps as cross body bag but since I used to bring with me huge bottle water and some stuff it is now slowly decaying. Ok I'm just overreacting but now that I've learned the lesson and couldn't afford to waste a minute and money not having that heavy duty "leather backpack" I need for my brittle back... I'm waiting for the best bag to define who I really am! See I need a bag to let me be known to the world! Hahahha

3. 8 GLASSES OF WATER IS WHAT WE NEED! Reason behind is something that is not hidden to us all, we basically been reminded about this since we were in kindergarten and that truth remains the same and as a matter of fact forever. We all need to survive with water in our body as it's made of 75% water and not soda or liquor. Truth is my migraine is now bugging my days and nights lately that the longest hours of attack lasted for 8 fishing hours! It was like I should have get paid for that long hours of suffering that all I can do was to squeeze my head and throw up (not a party folks!) and it wasn't fun at all. So starting today I am now in my serious goal to completing that 8 glasses of water in a day because someone from the internet reminded me of how can I stop my body from deteriorating and that water will be the safest and easiest way to keep me going.

4. I'm not a street smart but let's remember I never fail to be a weirdo. Okey na sakin yun! I wish I am but becoming one would have been painful. Because most probably the ones who have become one were the ones who have been fooled or been lied to the most and that explained why protecting oneself from some unlucky events and those criminal minds is some beneficial trait one must have in this can be cruel world. But I won't be wishing for that trait if I'll be asked in my 2nd life because I find the most joy and peace whenever I just let things be and though sad that you have just been used or something, still it isn't me who made that bad decision. But try not to be in the same situation again at least for a year. This goes by saying, learn it the hard way. Accept that there are people unlike you and that we can be bad at times.

5. Invest on the things that lasts. Need me to say more?!?

6. Goal is to be able to take care of my parents when I am ready; to give back because they just never held back when it comes to us.

7. Don't get out of the car just because you're lost. 

8. When someone made their feelings known to you, you start to look at them differently then it could also be true if it's the other way around. Hmmnnn... So might as well say it before you start moving on. Malay mo naman~

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Longest two months...

Oh hello there! HAHAHAHA

It's been a long time since I have found myself in my quiet old self, finding solace in writing down the feels over the weekend but today's post will be from one of the longest months of my life so far and I'll tell you why. waeyo!?!?

Let me begin by sharing that I just got a new job! That's maybe why I forced myself from posting pictures of my former officemates from down down below to give you the right pacing you deserve. Anyway, who am I talking to? Hahahaha Going back, I'm now the Citibanker as they say, where working late is a normal thing as I deserved this because I wanted this from happening anyway. Waaaaaahhh On a serious note, everyday is quite a struggle because really it is. I'm on an everyday OT plus I'm not sure if I can really see myself lasting 6 months or more as you know I'm not the one who just endures the "hard work" as it makes life harder that its normally is. Maybe that's why I feel the pressure at work and most times merely doing my part which is I find not that fulfilling until I find myself going through my notes, breaking down the infos they gave me into pieces so I can somehow catch up. Because just a disclaimer, when you had the background of the work and you were hired for it (obviously) you really are expected to deliver and that's normal but frightening at some point in my case as we all know I tend not to seek help or firing questions when I can't connect the dots yet on my head. So there, I learned through mistakes and see myself dumbfounded everytime unusual things happen. The work I'm in is really chaotic and I can say I'm always weighing requests from both clients and the people within the bank I'm working as it's just chaotic like that.

But that's not all. What made me changed my attitude towards work is a process of acceptance. It's by accepting that you have to come to work at 9 and go out by 8pm or beyond. Imagine this happening everyday in my first 2 months made me stressed to the point of giving up but it changed as I prayed real hard to reached this desire of challenging myself from being able to function as cool as I can be. Well for adults they call it working professionally. It's not that people in there don't have the choice because if others from competing banks get to see the people I've come to know here they would be amazed by how passionate, dedicated and proactive they are to finish a day with still smiles on their faces. I mean it is always a long day at the bank but it speeds up because we're all busy as a bee.They all are aware of me struggling in those weeks because I get to speak up my mind now and I'm just that good at being indifferent whenever I make mistakes but still I do believe in those hard days that these will all be worth the deep breath and long faces every waking time going to work because the progress (naks!) and the difference from the way I see it now shows. I'm no longer finding myself going to F21 just to relieve myself from all the stress I got the whole day or the feeling of visiting the salon thinking what to do in there when I just changed my hair color last week and got my nails painted just recently. Like really? Every weekend I wish to go home and see my family but afraid that I might not go back to work after spending quality time with them. I must say those times were the hardest because I have seen myself way different from how I was back as Specialist, from one of the pioneer batch in FX to the strange trying hard Officer that I am now but it made sense to me, that learning is a neverending thing and it's way more rewarding when things you've acquired and celebrated comes from hard work, self taught and grace from God above. Yesss that's what I've been upto those longest two months... I was always out for a shop. HAHAHAHA!  Anywho, it's been reasonably awakening and well for me worth the share. I always want to thank my siblings, friends and parents for just always answering my calls when I just feel like I wanted to awol from work. HAHAHA Thanks for the inspiration TED TALKS, Robin Sharma, Make-up Youtubers, Steve Job's speech on replay and Bro. Alvin Barcelona for I always found myself at peace whenever I go to The Feast.

My first time getting off work ALONE at 11pm.

Because I just aged twice as fast as before.

Went hiking for 14 K I L O M E T E R S to see the beautiful disaster in Mt. Pinatubo.
Depended on this with former officemates.
Misses home that's why~
I'm not at all sorry for the drama when I know I just have one problem to deal with and others have a lot more but one thing is for sure I'll be keeping the lessons in mind so when it's my turn facing the bigger ones I can truly say, I've been this before and the answer is the same.

Who has found the meaning,
Miss Piggy (---.----)\/

Friday, June 12, 2015

When in State Street~

Because I think I never thanked these people enough for putting up with a random Specialist that is me!

Thank you ICS Manila for just about everything! For the laughters we shared almost all the time, for the food of course that remained hidden to the hawkeyes of kuya guards, for being so half drinking buddies, half officemates to me. Thanks for the memories in those 1 year and 7 months! Love you all dorky team of ICS!

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Be nice or you'll end up in my blog.

I actually have something far more important to do right now but...

1. I dont understand why there's always a person in a group of chatting people who raises their voice just to let his/her story be told first. I will no longer say heard because I defenitely did.

2. I dont understand why people watches a show or a celebrity on tv whom/which they dont like in the first place. Then they will rant on SNS as if they were paid to bash.

3. I dont understand why there are existing people who hates another person just by their mere existence. Like, you sure you're someone worthy as well to be called human when you cant even open your mind to get to know the other person you *just hate?

4. I dont understand why kentucky original fried chicken is always smaller than the hot and spicy one?

5. I dont understand why you have to say "sorry" or "excuse me" when passing by a group of people talking when you will and you mean to interrupt their conversation. I still dont find it courteous.

6. I dont understand where does my *hatsing goes after it didn't went out of my nose.

7. I dont understand why the people who pisses you off are the people whom you're being careful not to hurt or get mad at. Then will result to blaming your ownself for even thinking of getting mad or you try hard not to let it show that you're truly about to fire up.

8. I dont understand why there's no survey yet about "how people reacts on heavy rains (or even just a plain, simple rain) in metro manila". Because I'm curious as to why the roads are always immovable when we all know rain's gonna stop. So might as well wait for their turn to get home, those who are leaving for work should be the ones to get off first right? See my point?

9. I dont understand why people in love are the most immature people I know. Always the attention seeker. I think they dont deserve or arent ready for it yet. Hahaha kidding!!!

10. I dont understand why people (ladies in particular) typed in "HAHA" or say "I dont care" when you know from the tone of their comments or voice thay they are affected, hurt and sensitive about the issue.

11. I dont understand why there are friends who pushes you to be in a relationship but when you got yourself into it they'll find glitches, holes and cracks to break you off. Hmnnn... something isn't right.

12. I dont understand why you get mad at people who ignores you or who remains silent when you know you'll be treating their words as unsolicited advice.

13. I dont understand why I didnt date the guy I seriously think is the one.

14. I dont understand why I'm having all these misunderstandings and making them bug my day when I know I dont have all the time in the world to care about all these *sensitivities! HMP! (See #10)


Monday, March 16, 2015


This isn't part of my bucket list but there you have it folks, tucked-in-pajamas now turned three and has 10k views and so I'm the happiest!

Here's what I did to celebrate the day... #March3EST

Monday, March 9, 2015

They come and go.

2014 may not be a good year for me but I must say it was still worth telling.

And having said that, I feel like I have been holding back from all that just happened. It was as if I'm being led on when I know the choice, the right ones will come from me alone - that if you find yourself lost you must go and get yourself together. And when you realized you're hurting in the process you go tell yourself "this too shall pass!", and if it's dragging you or confusing you, stay out of it decently. SPARE YOUR BEAUTIFUL FUTURE because most probably, you know how to be happy and at that point isn't making you smile anymore. I never thought mishaps were to come that year in a bulk but I am very much thankful they happened earlier in my life.

I'm now starting to plan travels; financial goals; investment. ALL to save myself from regrets. This year, I plan to be good to myself. I plan to W A I T for my dreams to be realized as I stay true to my intentions and do what I have to do- surround myself with the goals I planned of pursuing. And so I'm still thankful to last year's events because they were more of a training ground for soon to come years. Now, I know it's all up to me. I will no longer say, 2015 be good to me but rather, I'll be good to you! 

Still in love,
Miss Piggy


Lately… No. I know I’m making a fool out of myself if I say I just realized this but yes, being a fan of drama series would always lead me to thinking that for it to be a happy ending the protagonist should succeed in all sorts of twist there is in those 16 episodes or more. No dead ends. No unresolved misunderstandings. And dying in the end won’t make me convinced that he did well in the course of telling his story. HAHHAHA

Hard to please as an spectator but really I hate the main lead who is a pushover! I am saying this because I am not. Well, I used to be someone like “My Liege” ( Pehaa~) in Empress Ki at some points in my life but they were those times I didn’t give much concern about the world I lived in or simply I let others shine before me and that’s ok. But looking through the bigger picture, the people who have realized they are lacking in ways they want to be good at are the ones who will most probably be hitting the jackpot! So it's either you go close the gap from going to place you wish to be or give up in an instant because you think you're better off without it. But the thrill of life will not be there if you just wait for sunshine to come, I mean c'mon! Go fight for what you want! Now I'm at the age where I cant be wrong anymore... I know, I know this cant be true but what if you allow yourself believing it can happen because after all, matters of financial; career; history already made some marks and trying to refresh my memory from those would be of help for sure. And because I know now...

I suddenly want to go home. I feel the need to be next to the people whom I know loves me for sure. Waaaaaaahhhhh!!! I feel that I’m very vulnerable these days so I want to feel the equilibrium that my family can give me. I want to be busy as a bee! Do this and chase happiness! I want an F5 kind of thing! I am new and blessed soon as I wake up! I'm forgiven! NO LONGER SHAKEN! I AM THE PROTAGONIST IN A DIFFICULT ERA! I maybe scared but dam*it! I'm ready to live!


At last I have found myself typing the words for real. It’s no longer mere thoughts in my head triggered by some mellow songs on Spotify; no more wasted time thinking how I should begin each post I wish to publish for the first time this year 2015. Really, I’m totally out of my consciousness lately.

I hurt people’s feelings and lost to some battles because of my own selfish acts of chaotic behavior. It was only just recently I came to the conclusion that my “get out of jail free” cards were running dangerously low, and my luck was about to say “f*ck it” and refuse to bail me out.

So tonight, I refused to go out and just breathe it all out!!! Well actually, I just dozed off the feels left to be felt from what's keeping me still. I want to moved on completely! To be true to my words again that moving on is my forte and just find myself ready, stronger and braver!

I think it's time I look at myself from another's POV because I want to help myself. I want to win over myself!

JERMA doesn't know how to communicate her feelings well. She maybe too open with her emotions but still don't hold on to those as she's too volatile. She hates pleasing people for the sole reason that she may not be sticking to her true intentions. She only dreams of getting that one thing she thinks she deserves but wavers every now and then to some who/which she seems okay with... She has that tendency to settle but I think (so I'm sure) people find her choices misfitting to what she portrays. GOING BACK TO *she's very volatile, people may have not known this but she's just too lame at understanding her own self but when she feels weird about what's just happening that's when she's at her happiest. BECAUSE she finds it as an excuse to be living at present. She's the complicated character in the story. She never cry on some love or friendship kind of things because when that droplets of tears fall, she sees it weak. Care to know what makes her cry? Let her watch a singing contest or a love story where no one dies but shows a love that is not swayed in all times. She's a big fan of big dreams and the people who dares try to achieve their true heart's desire are her inspirations! All because she wishes to be just like them. She's not so different to anyone but I find her special because she's now trying to live like one.

The moral is, usually, if we watch our bad behavior on film or see someone else acting like us when we are bad then it makes us have more insight and want to behave differently. That is what I just did. 

See yah in a different light, miss piggy!

Bye Bee Lee ssi!

To my go-to confidant, one of the bestest friends in and out of the office, and the sister/brother i never had *cries in the corner*... Happy Last Day @ Work Bee Lee ssi! 

I have yet to absorb that the sisterhood will not be physically together anymore but know that whatever happens, I will always be here! Trust that I'll be protecting you from all those who will be talking about your cause of *sniff* death later at 8. Hahaha Basta! I may not be missing you now but for sure it will come! Lamonayan!

So to one of the proven cures to my aray, the best listener to all our adventures and misadventures, the peg at work minus the kaartehan! WE LOVE YOU! At matagal na ktang pinatawad sa di mo pagsabi dati, actually that was never an issue! Hahaha I thank the universe for letting us all meet in a dorky team of ICS MNL! Awww~ You will always be remembered like everyone else who used to be part of the team! 

Goodluck and God bless you more and more, because you truly deserve the success! #BeeLee #AnoNaNamanYanIel #Saicy #FxCash #Specialist #MayCrushKayHaidee ๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿ˜Š

***Because it's hard to meet such good friend in this world! He's always been here and there for the 1 and 1/2 years we've known each other. Thank you Bee Lee! 

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Not laughing now.

Aha moment!

I’m so pissed off with life right now. It feels like the world is against all my endeavors but it doesn’t hurt. Because it is tiring to the core~!! Like what the F*CK did I just do to deserve this? Yes, it’s partly my fault for believing that I can make the business grow but that’s some courage to take before engaging myself in it. I had to sacrifice my sleep; my health, my 24 hours because even at work I keep watching the candle fall, my relationship with my family whom I’ve failed because of this d*mn trades!

I’m so pissed that I want to break free, escape from reality that I am broke, that I can’t even pay my bills on time just to pay my obligations. I don’t own my salary for past months now and I have dragged the agony of believing this will be over soon and that we can make it double. The fun swept by and I become less lively, now I’m cursing the mishaps I have.

I can’t even pay attention to someone who is giving me concern because I am overwhelmed with the situation I am in right now! People would say, “ohh you’re rich anyway”; “that isn’t such a big deal”; “there are a lot more people who are far more experiencing the worst of the worst”. And yet those words didn’t mean so much to me now that I hardly breathe nor live because of this. I know it will be different after this next two months but OH GOD if you’re there can you surprise me with something that would make me smile, would make this light. I can’t run to my family, friends and you know that I only have you and my pride. This may seem bad to hear but I mean it when I said nothing’s working for me. I feel ignored and helpless.